I Am Brick, Hear Me Bark
by fanfictiongeek36
Summary: An Anchorman fic. The ever so wonderful Brick allows us to enjoy a few days in his life. And it involves the evil escaping his backside, fluffy mushrooms, and a man in a pink suit.


Disclaimer – I don't own Anchorman so please don't sue me.

Yes yes I know, there are probably not very many Anchorman ficlets out there...but this one is dedicated to Brick...just because he rocks!!

**I Am Brick, Hear Me Bark**

Chapter 1: **Denial**

"So, what's your name?" A very inconspicuous man wearing a bright pink tuxedo inquired a very twitchy, slightly geeky, looking man in his early twenties...no...thirties.

"Which name do you want? My real name or my nickname?" the man with Harry Potter glasses asked back.

"Let's start with your real name first."

"Fredrick William Gregory Robert Matthew Thomas Richardson."

"So Fred, what's your nickname?" the man wrinkled his nose slightly and grinned rather queerly at the man in front of him.

"Brick."

"How did you acquire this name?"

"I went into Ron's office thing one day, and lamp confessed his love to me." Brick smiled happily. He sighed rather dreamily as the man in front of him jotted something down on a piece of paper.

"Interesting...so, tell me Will, what do you do for fun?"

"Oh you know normal things. I take a daily visit to the flower shop, I eat my chocolate like a good boy, and I get my daily whipping from the master." Brick announced gaily.

"Who is the master?"

"His name is not to be spoken, but he's also known as Maurice."

"How does Maurice treat you?"

"Maurice doesn't treat me as good as lamp does because he doesn't pet and stroke me." Brick wiped his eyes slightly. "May I be excused from this int-int-...smart people's co-co-...talk?"

"It'll be my pleasure."

"You have pleasure?" Brick scratched his thick head in confusion.

"Just leave, and coincidentally never come back."

"Bye bye!"

Brick left the odd man in pink in a hurried run.

"How do you know what Brick does? Do you stalk Brick? Brick doesn't like stalkers." Brick scolded at the author. "Please stop, Brick no like!!"

A random gay man strutted up to Brick, his hips were swaying from side to side in a very queer manner.

"I've heard that you've been having a secret relationship with lam." The queer fellow said.

"Why should you be worried about my relationship with lamp? I love lamp, lamp loves me."

"You've been deceived! Lamp loves me!" the gay man hollered.

"Why must we holler!" Brick hollered back.

The gay man fell over anime style and was trampled over by a posse of fluffy mushrooms.

"Ooo! Mushrooms! I should bring some home for dinner tonight!" Brick squealed in deli-

"I don't squeal, how many times do I have to tell you that I don't' squeal? I bark!" Brick said.

Okay...Brick barked in delight at the thought of brining home a handful of fluffy mushrooms, considering the fact that the night before he ate pocket lint with cat fod, mushrooms sounded very appealing.

Brick leaned down to pick up some of the fluffy mushrooms but instead of doing that he heard an immense noise from his back side.

"Yay! The evil has finally escaped out of me!" Brick exclaimed. "Eww, it smells..."

The oblivious Brick didn't realize hat the 'evil' was really from eating too many burritos that morning.

Brick finally picked up the fluffy mushrooms and stuffed them into his pocket before he began to walk.

"Hi! My name is Brick, I enjoy short runs on the forest with lampy."

"Hi! My name is Tom, I enjoy making mix CD's for my gay friend Dylan and I also enjoy swaying my hips from side to side."

"I thought the mushrooms ate you."

"Oh yes, I forgot...bye bye Brick."

Brick shrugged his shoulde-

"That ain't my shoulders I'm shrugging, they're my elbows."

Right...Brick shrugged his elbows and began the very long journey to his almost non-existent home.

Yes, I know it is stupid, and if you're going to review (which most of you won't) I do accept flames, but they have to be reasonable, nothing stupid like, "That was dumb" if you're going to say it is dumb please support why you feel it is dumb. Thank you for shopping at Shaw's and Have a Spasmodic Day!


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